Rock Bottom


Your story conveys such a raw message that many need to hear. I have experienced something similar. Delinquency does begin at home in some form or another and that is my greatest fear and struggle at this point. I relate to this story because I have also lost two loved ones to substance abuse, one for whom I grieve deeply. More people need to speak out about the tragedies, which is also another subject I discussed today. People need to know that drugs of any kind are not to be toyed with lest it lead to severe destruction.

Originally posted on The Baggage Handler:

Rock Bottom

Rock Bottom

Delinquency starts at home, not in the streets.
Growing up, I saw my mother, on a nightly basis, drink herself to shame with all-night, loud parties filled with men.
Things didn’t improve much after my brother and I moved in with our father. It was with him and his male lover where I first encountered drugs. (It’s my opinion that the man who lived with us for 10 years was his lover. However, to this day, my father will not admit to that nor has he come out. As I told him a few years ago, if you’re gay, be gay, be happy. Don’t hide who you are. To my knowledge, he has not taken my advice.)
One day when I was a freshman in high school, I found cocaine in one of my father’s drawers. That same year, his lover started offering me drugs and was very…

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Grief, for lack of a better phrase, can swallow someone whole until nothing exists within them but an empty shell. Loss of friends, family members, loved ones and even dreams easily push one into decay depending on the level of grief one faces.

When the song, “She Talks to Angels” says the “pain’s gonna make everything alright” or “there’s a smile when the pain comes”, perhaps that woman used needles but when you see a person inked over you may see someone unknowingly dealing with pain.

Don’t be so quick to judge.

The memory sees what it wants to believe. It hears it also, as in Rob Thomas singing with Santana in thesong, “Smooth”. At least for me that song breaks my heart every time I hear it and I will dance as if Dionysus himself were present. I know I should have let that bird fly years ago.

Hope doesn’t resurrect the dead. It never did.

My father passed away in October 2012 He was one of the strongest cats I know. The list of fallen loved ones continues.

However, this is not all about me. It is, but not so much. Sure, I need to grieve but move on to happiness as can others.

I hope sincerely I can thank those who helped me see how my eyes betrayed me. I still have much to do in this struggle. Thank God for my greatest advisor. A mother means so much.

What the Eyes Fail to See

We all know these cats, especially us ladies. They are the handsome false charmers that draw us in for a fall when we should have fell in love with the nerd, the friend. Why devote a column to the snakes in the grass?

The idea crossed my mind as I showed my kids how to detail a car today. I thought back to the days when I had to help my brother detail his sweet low rider truck. He taught me a lesson that goes far beyond detailing cars.

Open your car. Check the inner panels of your doors for grime and dirt. Are they filthy? Maybe or maybe not. I will always remember my brother saying that I could wash the outside of a car, but until the car was impeccable it wasn’t clean. People would see the hidden dirt, eventually.

When dealing with people, I have learned that no one is perfect. Someone will always have a bit of dirt hanging about. Those posers, the charmers that would have your heart and let it free fall, please look deeply into those dreamy eyes for lies and realize them.

In addition, a person might apply this to himself. Check your heart for dirt and grime and make sure your heart is as clean as you want it to be.

Responsibility and self-actualization are hell when trying to come up from the bottom God knows how many times. Put them together and you get one thing to hold onto: self-preservation.

Much love and peace.

All You See Is The Struggle

This blog stands as a creative outlet but also serves the public what I have learned in my years of life. So many may scoff and say teacher, you do nothing and are covered with tattoos. Open your eyes, my public. There is more to life than drugs, alcohol, sex and vice.
Pain exists within this plane and I pity you who cannot see it. Another twist I have for you, so be patient!
When an intelligent person rises from mud and fails to rise because too much dirt is caught in her wings, she does not stand idly by, allowing her young to fall to the same fate. Should she sacrifice her heart, pride or soul, she will raise them to rise above the dirt they have known.
I ask you to tell me what struggle do you see? Not one knows the story fully, but I know my mother raised me to be strong. I will always have that, so question yours before you decide to play me wrong.
I wish each of you good luck in all that you do. In the meantime, don’t kick me when I’m down or it all comes back to you.
Believe me. I know.